Mark Cordner and Associates

Inter-generational warfare?

2011-12-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

When I was a child, my father was a chaplain in the USAF and during a scripture study session, he shared a teaching that "the time will come when children will rise up against their parents and parents against their children.” This seemed like a strange thing to me and I asked him what he thought it meant. He replied, “I’m not sure exactly but my best guess is that it will have to do with money. What else divides people more than money?”

Well . . . at the time, I sloughed off the lesson not thinking it particularly relevant to me or my life – but oh! How things have changed!

In my generation, we’re starting to see a tension develop between generations that has never been seen before. Young adults are expressing resentment towards their grandparents' generation for government debt and social entitlement programs that threaten to enslave younger generations for the rest of their lives. Meanwhile, the parents of those young people are looking to those very same grandparents – their own parents – with a mixture of love and frustration: gratitude and respect for their own care and upbringing yet frustration and anxiety over the prospect of caring for those parents physically, emotionally, and financially as they age – all while those adults children are trying to support their own children in college and financially prepare for their own dream of retirement.

Can we “do it all at once”? Can we “have it all” as some people say? Time will tell.

Meanwhile, my generation needs to initiate serious conversations with our parents and with our children about the future, what it may bring, and what we'll need to do to be prepared.

Long-Term Care for Parents of Those with Disabilities

2008-12-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting reminder in Samuel Larry Feldman's excellent book, When Caring Isn't Enough . . . . To paraphrase him:

Parents of children with disabilities need to recognize that these offspring won't be able to care for Mom or Dad when they become elderly, because of the child's physical or mental disability. Neither will the parents be able to buy long-term care insurance (LTCI) for that child. But, if parents are trying to protect their assets so they'll be available to meet their child's needs in old age, the parents would be wise to shift the risk for the costs of their own care to a long-term care insurance company, thus preserving assets for their dependent child's use. If the LTCI policy pays for care at home or in a facility, it may be possible for the parent to remain at home and not displace the dependent child from their familiar setting. (p. 214, emphasis added)

Due to medical advances, we now have a generation of children with disabilities who will very likely outlive their parents. Since some studies suggest that 70% of adults age 65 will eventually need some form of long-term care, the wisdom of Mr. Feldman's advice is even more apparent.

Moral & Ethical Leadership

2008-12-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

I'm excited! Dan Truman, award-winning pianist, composer and member of Diamond Rio, will be speaking at the BYU Management Society (BYUMS) luncheon here in Las Vegas tomorrow.

Dan's an incredibly talented performer as is his wife, Wendy. His visit is personally meaningful to me because of his wife's influence on me when I was a young teenager and they were a young couple at BYU. Unknown to her, Wendy inspired me with a comment she made to a small group of teenagers she was teaching in a "Singing Entertainer" workshop at BYU in 1981. While suggesting a minor change to the lyrics of a popular song we were to record, she made a passing comment about how we each choose what we promote in life. For some reason, it hit my 14-year old mind like a lightning bolt and has stuck with me all these years. She'll never know how she influenced me for good.

Anyway, Dan is flying out from Nashville to speak to our group about the unique opportunities and challenges of a professional career in the music industry. I've been extremely involved in establishing a local chapter of the Management Society and am excited to hear his message as it relates to BYUMS' international theme of "Growing Moral & Ethical Leadership" in the world.

To learn more about BYUMS, visit www.byulvms.org.

The Blessing of Friends

2008-11-19T16:36:00.000-08:00

What does friendship mean to you?

My wife often reminds me that life’s great task is “clasping hands and making it back home together.” As much as that may betray her passion for preschool age children, it also reveals a true principal for those who understand that none of us can succeed entirely on our own. And who would want to?

Friendships are one of life’s great blessings. True friends uplift us, bear with us, and enrich our lives in countless ways.

I have the good fortune of being a twin and always having had a “side-kick.” While that presented its own set of challenges, it also brought with it many advantages. Unfortunately, it may have initially blinded me to the isolation some people feel whose environment or developmental circumstances have restricted them from forming friendships with positive companions.

My wife and I have become particularly aware of this as we've learned about the challenges related to Autism – or “life on the autism spectrum” as it’s more accurately described. Those with characteristics of autism often experience what some call “mind blindness” or an inability to “read” the unexpressed social cues that constitute so much of human interaction. Consequently, these individuals tend to live their lives on the periphery of society, close to the action but never fully “fitting in” despite often being very gifted in other ways. (One person “on the spectrum” describes her life as being like “an anthropologist [living] on Mars.”)

Nevadans are very fortunate to have a new resource in town: a local chapter of Best Buddies International. Since opening its office in mid-July, Jason Smith, the state director, has already received international attention for quickly securing the largest donation in the program’s history as well as quickly establishing contacts in many area schools.

Best Buddies was created by Anthony Shriver of the famous Shriver family, founders of Special Olympics and other charitable organizations. Best Buddies pairs “neuro-typical” individuals with those who have developmental differences, similar to a “Big Brothers / Big Sisters” program for the Special Needs community. Participants commit to weekly contact and bi-weekly, self-determined activities with their “buddy.” In addition to screening participants for eligibility in the program, Best Buddies staff also provides on-going support to those involved.

While creating lasting friendships of great depth, Best Buddies simultaneously helps our community see “differently-abled” individuals in a healthier light – as individuals with much to contribute to society and every bit as “human” in their needs as each of us.

Kayla Brown-Cestero, Best Buddies first program coordinator in Las Vegas, has been working with area schools coordinating awareness efforts and establishing “student chapters” to be led by student-participants. As you can imagine, Special Education coordinators throughout the school district are very excited about this new program as are all those who grasp its potential for good in our middle schools, high schools, and colleges.

Mr. Smith and his team are now hiring additional support staff and training volunteers to establish adult-Buddy programs and even “e-Buddy” relationships for those who can’t commit “in-person” time during traditional hours.

A dear friend of mine, Keen Ellsworth, has told me how his wife, Sunny, created a friendship during high school with a young man who has developmental impairments – and how that friendship has lasted over the years to bless his entire family. Little do we know how “small and simple things [may bring] great things to pass.” (Alma 37:6)

Are your teenage children looking for opportunities to serve in a fun and meaningful way? Have them contact Best Buddies. Your entire family may be blessed by the good that comes from it.

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I'm Chairman of the Advisory Board for Best Buddies of Nevada. Visit http://www.bestbuddiesnevada.org/ for local information or http://www.bestbuddies.org/ to read heart-warming testimonials from participants and family members of those who have benefited from Best Buddies.

The Strength of Commitment

2008-11-19T16:22:00.000-08:00

It’s in the family setting that the furnace of life’s experiences often reveals individuals’ true character . . .

Lloyd and LaPrele George met and married while students at BYU. With the exception of time spent in military service and school, the George’s have lived their entire married-life in Las Vegas.

While many people have heard of Lloyd and Laprele’s vast public accomplishments, their most significant achievements were realized “within the four walls of their home.” It was there that their private victories and greatest rewards were realized – victories that could only result from an unwavering commitment to life’s most important values: God, family, and country.

Principally known for his service as a federal judge, Lloyd also served as student body president of BYU and as a fighter pilot in the USAF before graduating from Berkley Law School. He was appointed US District Judge for the District of Nevada in 1984 after many years of service in less visible judicial appointments. An accomplished vocalist, LaPrele is mostly known for her musical gifts, participation in the Desert Chorale, and her twenty years of service to Las Vegas in the presentation of a live Nativity drama each year at Christmas. Little has been known of their family life or of their great service to what we now affectionately call the “Special Needs community.”

Three of the Georges’ four children were born by the time Lloyd graduated from Berkley. Unknown to many is the fact that their first son, Douglas, was born with multiple medical conditions that affected his health, hindering his mental and social development and his ability to communicate verbally. To this day, “Dougie”continues to live with his parents and participate daily in Opportunity Village work routines and the associations that bring him joy.

A quiet, refined, and diligent woman, LaPrele became everything Lloyd ever hoped for in a wife and mother of his children. Her quiet strength encouraged many in the early days of the Clark County Association of Retard Children (CCARC), the forerunner to Opportunity Village. In addition to co-signing the mortgage on CCARC’s first building, the Georges continued inspiring others both inside and out- of the Special Needs community . . . and all through quiet example.

Douglas was born in a time when the intellectually disabled were less understood and often shunned. In those days, many parents relinquished disabled children to institutions and returned to a more “normal”, less-demanding, life.

Bouyed by their understanding of the gospel and the promise of eternal families, the Georges welcomed Dougie with all of his differences – just as they would each child that would later enter their home. Douglas was part of the family. Accordingly, any who socialized with the Georges at church or in the neighborhood simply came to appreciate the joyful blessing named “Dougie.” As current County Commissioner Rory Reid and other friends of the George children can attest, Dougie’s life was the family’s life – even down to teenage carpooling to Opportunity Village.

While discussing the challenges of their early years, the George’s were surprised to learn that the divorce rate among parents of children with disabilities has now risen to 86%. While life’s challenges often divide families, they can just as frequently unite them -- a blessing the George’s learned by choice and experience. Perhaps great insight came from the words of the Master who said regarding a visually-impaired man and his parents, “Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be manifest in him.” (John 9:3)

One of the Georges’ greatest pleasures is the realization that their children, Michelle, Sheri, & Steve, were never embarrassed by their brother’s differences but instead were active in his life and supportive of his interests and development. Each family member loves “Dougie” for his unique abilities: making them laugh, smile, and persevere.

Should you ever visit the George’s ward or perhaps the Walter’s Campus of Opportunity Village, be sure to greet Dougie. And when you drive past the imposing federal courthouse that bears Judge George’s name, remember the greater legacy he shares with LaPrele: that of a family united.

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Lloyd & LaPrele George were honored November 7 - 8, 2008 by Opportunity Village for their years of commitment to individuals who have intellectual disabilities. I served as Chairman of the Honoree Committee. Visit http://www.opportunityvillage.com/.